NYC Is Cancelled Again After Hiring A Skinny Santa Claus For Their Christmas Village

NY Post- It’s ho, ho — no! Disney’s The Santa Clauses’ Winter Wonderland on the rooftop of Pier 17 in the South Street Seaport is advertised as being NYC’s “most magical holiday attraction of the season.” But local parents say it’s just a dirty trick. They have taken to social media to complain about the “tiny” ice rink, a skinny Santa that really doesn’t fill out the red suit, and, worst of all, a “dangerous” slide that was reportedly shut down after a child was injured. “It was a s–t show. The whole experience was frustrating,” Kamilla Cohen, 30 and a stay-at-home Upper East Side mother-of-two, told The Post. She went to the Wonderland with her family on Saturday, paying $60 for two VIP tickets that included a fast pass entrance, skate rentals, hot chocolate, and entry to the “North Pole.” (Tickets start at $15 for general admission and $30 for VIP and go up during peak times. Children four and under are free.)

NYC has crossed the line on this one....they crossed the line BIG TIME. Is the city already the worst place on the planet? Of course. Is it a congested hellhole of a city filled with 8 million crammed into 22.7 square miles at any given moment? Yes it is! Is it somewhere you have be as nimble as a boxer in the ring when roaming the public transportation stations? Yes. Although every now and then you have a great night out on the town or hit one of the many concerts or games the city has to offer or have a great day shopping in SoHo and you think to yourself "Eh maybe the city isn't THAT bad?!!?!" and then they have to go and pull some shit like this. 

You simply just CANNOT have a skinny Santa Claus. You can't! Santa Claus being fat is our thing and (even as a fat) I'm by no means someone that thinks the fats should be hyped or on the cover of Health magazines, but Santa, Chris Farley, and like grimace are some of the few heroes we have and some things should just stay that. What do you think makes Jolly Old Saint Nick so jolly? His beloved, his flying reindeer so he doesn't have to work out too much, and the MILK & COOKIES being left for him at every single house he visits. I'd be jolly as hell too if I could live that lifestyle while also being invincible until the end of time. 

Moral of the story: Just get a fat Santa Claus next time, New York City. No one wants their Santa Claus looking like Ryan Gosling or Zac Efron. We want John Candy or James Gandolfini. I hate it here.